General Banter.

Social Banter between Cybercaders on non-Americade Subjects.

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Just Bill
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Just Bill » Sat Apr 26, 2014 4:06 pm

I loved it!!! LOL !!
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Sun Apr 27, 2014 7:09 am

13 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

1] You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

2] You can trade a .44 for two .22's.

3] You can have one handgun at home and another for the road.

4] If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.

5] Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

6] Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.

7] A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

8] Handguns function normally every day of the month.

9] A handgun won't ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?"

10] A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it.

11] You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems.

12] A handgun doesn't care how big your trigger finger is.

13] A handgun won't tell all of its friends if you are a "little fast on the trigger"…
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TheShadow
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Re: General Banter.

Postby TheShadow » Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:38 am

Now I like that one. It also makes since , and it never run's off at the mouth unless someone is pulling it's trigger!!! :lol: Smile, wait for the flash!!!
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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Sun Apr 27, 2014 5:52 pm

TheShadow wrote:
WCLamb wrote:
Mainah wrote:Does this sound familar to anyone besides me? :shock:
http://tinyurl.com/3pwujbt

You must be on the "trailing edge" Rick, as that one's been around a couple years (at least). I think most people I know have forwarded the link to that video-cartoon to me in e-mail over the course of the last few years. Maybe everybody thinks I'm getting old?



No Your not, as I have also gotten it a few time myself. :D :D :lol: :lol:

Maybe I'm too young to have seen that before? :? Or, could it be I was just having a senior moment? :roll: I'll never tell. :wink:
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Sun Apr 27, 2014 5:55 pm

WCLamb wrote:13 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

Better than that is a woman with a handgun! She'll never give you a hard time about going to the range, as long as you take her along.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


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TheShadow
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Re: General Banter.

Postby TheShadow » Mon Apr 28, 2014 5:18 am

Mainah wrote:
WCLamb wrote:13 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

Better than that is a woman with a handgun! She'll never give you a hard time about going to the range, as long as you take her along.




I have found that most women are very good shots, If you can get them to shoot a 22, then work up to were they find one they enjoy shooting, they can out shoot a lot of men.
Last edited by TheShadow on Wed May 07, 2014 5:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Thu May 01, 2014 8:18 am

TheShadow wrote: I have found that most women are very good shots, If you can get them to shoot a 22, then work up to were they are were they enjoy shooting, they can out shoot a lot of men.

Right, Brenda started with my High Standard target pistol (22) and now has a Glock 19 and is very accurate with it. She is a little intimidated by my Judge probably because it is a large frame revolver and big for her hand. I like it for the ability to shoot either .410 or 45 colt depending on my mood. 8)
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Tue May 06, 2014 1:40 pm

The real story:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after it's stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of Mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting it's delivery, were devastated by the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe on this day. That day we now know as Sinko de Mayo....and now you know the rest of the story.

:lol: :lol:
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Thu May 15, 2014 4:38 am


Beautiful?

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute."

She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Mon May 19, 2014 5:43 pm

Suffering from a long afternoon on our feet looking around the new Bass Pro shop, my friend and I stopped in at “Hooter's” for a beer and some hot wings.

After being there for a while my friend asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told him "The one who knows how to fix elevators."

I'm old, tired, and need to pee a lot.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Mon May 26, 2014 8:34 am

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,


I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's rump anymore.


... If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.


... A whale swims all day, mainly eat fish, drinks water, but is still fat.


... A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while


... A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing,
yet it lives for 150 years.


And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.


Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,

the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the

eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:


1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.


3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.


4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?


7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.


8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.


9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.


10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.


12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.


13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.


14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.


15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.


16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.


17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:36 pm

I'm not sure if this one's been posted here or not... probably has... but I got it today and thought it was funny. I'm not about to search through a hundred pages looking for it!
________________________________________________________
The labor relations board suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate.

AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand. He's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week, plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Molson Canadians every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."

Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know?"
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Mainah
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Mainah » Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:32 pm

Since Maine is a fishing state that's been around but there is a lot of truth to it. If I fished for a living I sure would drink. Not because of the job but the regulations State and (mostly) Federal. :twisted: One thing you can be sure of is that government will always find the most incompetent person to write the rules we have to follow. And they wonder why no one can make a living anymore. :?
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Mon Feb 02, 2015 7:59 pm

An Airline introduced a special package for Business men:
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

New SIM to Surprise Her Husband

A woman buys a new Sim Card, puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back later honey, my wife is in the kitchen."

Cool Message by a Wife

Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Throwing Knives at Wife's Picture

Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture. All the knives were missing the target! Suddenly he received a call from her...
"Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."

Habit of Talking in His Sleep

A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?
Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

Natural Disasters Just Happen

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how to choose a wife. Natural disasters just happen.

Your Husband Needs Rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Sun Mar 01, 2015 11:07 pm

AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON


I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.

Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Miller Genuine Draft. He didn't like it – so I drank it.

Then I got him an Milwaukee's Old Style - he didn't like it either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.

By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller back home.
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