General Banter.

Social Banter between Cybercaders on non-Americade Subjects.

Moderators: Site Admin, WCLamb

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Ryck
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Location: New York City, NY
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Ryck » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:20 am

I like this section. It's a place for smiles when you can't go out and get your smiles riding your bike.

:)

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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Wed Mar 29, 2017 12:23 pm

Strange Proverbs


A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master.
- Russian Proverb

A drink precedes a story.
- Irish Proverb

A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
- Persian Proverb

Better wear out shoes than sheets. (I'm glad I don't agree with this one!)
- Scottish Proverb

Every ass loves to hear himself bray.
- Proverb of Unknown Origin

Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom.
- French Proverb

He that marries for money will earn it.
- American Proverb

Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one.
- Chinese Proverb

Lend your money and lose your friend.
- English Proverb
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ladyff1481
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Location: Waverly, NY
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Re: General Banter.

Postby ladyff1481 » Tue Apr 11, 2017 6:18 pm

Absolutely devastated.
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:34 am

Strange Answers to Questions on Welfare Claims:

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had 7 but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

This is my eight child, what are you going to do about it?

Please find for certain if my husband is dead; the man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my boy illiterate as this is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake, as you will see.

My husband got his project cut off 1 week ago and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

I have no children yet, as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want my money as soon as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for 2 months and he doesn't doe me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:37 am

Strange Answering Machine & Voice Mail Prompts:

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP

These words are lovely dark and deep
But I've got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.

Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
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WCLamb
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Re: General Banter.

Postby WCLamb » Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:43 am

Eight Words With Two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee) - n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) - adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) - n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) - n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) - n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) - n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) - n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) - n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
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ladyff1481
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:30 pm
Location: Waverly, NY
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Re: General Banter.

Postby ladyff1481 » Sun Jul 16, 2017 6:00 pm

PREPARE TO GROAN!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $3,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $3,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Fred & Barbara
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Location: Kodak, Tennessee
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Re: General Banter.

Postby Fred & Barbara » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:17 pm

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women


#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.




And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....



#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!
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2012 Honda Goldwing


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